You Might be a Ricer If …

 

You have more exhaust decibels than your engine has horsepower.
•You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.
•Your engine makes twice as much horsepower as torque.
•17″ rims up front, 13″ out back on your FWD.
•You ever painted your wheels to match the same color of your car.
•You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual transmission.
•DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for.
•Your mod list includes stereo equipment, shifter handle, MOMO steering wheel, driving lights, exhaust tip, but no REAL performance engine parts.
•A chameleon lizard undergoes fewer shade changes than your custom paint scheme.
•Your rims and tires are so large, that you have to install the tire / wheel from underneath the car because it simply won’t fit in the wheel well going in from the side.
•The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you’ve only had it 6 months…
•All 4 tires/rims stick out from the wheel opening of your car.
•You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tires to get them to stick out past the wheel openings.
•You see cars that look just like yours in a Shriner’s Parade and there are clowns driving them.
•You bring an empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system.
•Your Eclipse GS-T hardtop has a “SPYDER” emblem on the rear…
•Your sum knowledge of suspension is: “the more negative camber, the better the handling.”
•You push your car through the staging lanes. That way, maybe you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs.
•You add a super tall rear wing, and a hundred pounds of aftermarket ground effects, neon and stereo yet you gut the interior and yank out the rear seat for weight savings.
•Your rear wing AND your rear window have a third brake light…
•The back lighting in the gauges in your A-pillar gauge pod work long before the actual gauges are hooked up.
•You cut 4 coil springs and scrape the chassis on the ground. Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!
•You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a parking lot so you don’t break your neon underbody lights.
•You install clear corner and brake lights.
•You install colored bulbs in your aftermarket clear lenses.
•You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match
•If your rear spoiler is taller then you are.
•If you can fit your fist inside of your exhaust tip
•If your tailpipe extension is the most expensive mod you’ve done to your engine yet.
•Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race and you went three tenths of a second faster due to weight savings.
•You spent $5,000 or more on the engine and you still can’t out run a stock Camaro, Firebird, or Mustang
•You want the ‘wastegate’ sound, but don’t want to install a turbocharger system.
•You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in the same performance league as a Corvette.
•The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in the 1/4mile.
•If the 1970 Plymouth Daytona Superbird has a smaller spoiler than your car does.
•You think the Del Sol or a Sonata is a sports car…
•A “High-Stall” converter does NOTHING for your cars performance.
•You think a deep farty noise is the sound of high performance.
•If you think that horsepower is far more important than torque
•If you have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has given you more than 5 HP.
•If you have ever considered installing more than one set of fog / driving lights on the same car at the same time.
•If you claim that the aftermarket cold air intake system you just installed doubled your horsepower or took 2 or more seconds off of your E/T.
•You spent all night on the Internet trying to find a company that makes a turbocharger system for your Hyundai…
•If you removed your side view mirrors and put them at the TOP of the door / window frame.
•If you think the Fugees are ‘speed’ music.
•MOMO is ‘absolutely required’ to go fast.
•Your four cylinder has a dual exhaust system installed.
•Your four cylinder has four exhaust pipes (“Hey, one for each cylinder!”)
•The color(s) of your interior upholstery hurts other people’s eyes.
•If you can’t drive your car in snow because the ground effects create a plowing effect.
•If you have installed driving lights to compensate for headlight blackouts / tape.
•If you think that 180 horsepower and 185 lb/ft of torque are impressive for a ‘mildly’ modified engine.
•If you have stickers on your car for parts that you couldn’t point out if asked where those parts are installed.
•You think pushrods are a bad thing…
•Your car has more stickers on it than your cars ET is in the 1/4 mile.
•Every Honda you EVER owned, all the way back to your 1978 Accord was either a V-Tec or a TYPE-R.
•If you gutted the interior to save weight but you will never take to the track.
•You lean your seat so far back when you are driving, that every time you hit a bump, its your back and not your butt that hurts.
•You have hydraulics and sixteen switches on a car you claim runs low 10s on the street and corners better than a Porsche.
•If you can estimate that your car makes more than 250 HP without ever running it at the track or getting a dyno reading.
•You claim that you can get a titanium block for your engine.
•If you have ever thought Hyundai and “performance” went hand in hand
•If you’ve ever gone to a parts shop or speed warehouse and asked for a 1″ to 6″ exhaust adapter…
•If you’ve ever contemplated adding “TYPE-R” stickers to your Sonata…
•If you’ve removed more than 1/2 of the coils from your springs by cutting them yourself …
•If you have more neon lights on your car than a strip club…
•You own a “TYPE-R” Hyundai or Mazda.
•You couldn’t afford headlight masking, so you just painted them with flat black Krylon and it’s peeling. Badly.
•You claim that polishing your intake gave you 5hp.
•You own a V-TEC Hyundai or Mazda (especially a V-TEC rotary engined Mazda RX-7)
•You have neon INSIDE your car or in your ENGINE compartment
•You ever claimed that high gas mileage made your car superior in performance to V8s.
•If it takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop at WOT.
•You think yellow plastic interior trim makes your car cool
•If you paint your drum brakes to simulate Hi-po calipers
•If you install fake hi-po caliper / disc simulators
•You have a front wing.
•If you lower your car and add ground effects but retain the stock 14inch wheels with disc style wheel covers
•If you equate the sound of performance with the sound of a Weed Eater™
•If you think bolting a fake muffler to one side to simulate dual exhaust is cool
•If you think colored head lights work better
•You claim you lost the race because you had a passenger in the car.
•You claim that if you had a rolling start you would have beat him.
•You claim you lost because you missed a shift… and your car is an automatic.
•You claim you lost because he must have been on the juice..
•Flying past the person who is 10 car lengths in front of you after they have put on their brakes.. and claim a victory.
•after losing you flip your opponent off… rev your motor and fail to break the wheels loose even around a corner.
•Tell everyone about how you lost the cop because of your “driving skills”.
•drive around in a $20,000 import with $10,000 in mods.. and still live with your parents.
•You can relate to every line of the song “Pretty Fly For A White Guy” by the Offspring
•… And the Number One reason you might be a ricer is ……. you are a skinny, backwards hat wearing kid, with a dog chain wallet, 2 ft wide pant legs, and you wear your waistline half way down on your azz, and you have the Limp Bizkit looking boy fag, fake limp, and a badly applied peroxide spiked hair job and you walk around sayin’ something like, “Know wha I’m sayin’ yo”!

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